gushing wound

So I have joined a post partum support group. The group is awesome. There are some very loving moms there who have deeper problems then I do. Problems like post partum psychosis. During my first meeting, they let me vent and boy did I vent. But they were able to help me gain some perspective on my situation and situations of others. However, it has got me thinking. For some reason, I can’t help but think that I’m treating my gushing wound with a band aid. See, I have had depression since the birth of my daughter, but I had it before. I’m convinced that my real problem is that I’m suffering from post traumatic stress from being abused for 19 years, a problem that I really don’t want to work on. I have been in therapy for it. I went for a year, but then found an excuse to stop when I moved. I don’t like going to therapy for it. I would rather stay emotionally dumb. I think it’s safer that way; however, I do wonder what will be the consequences to my daughter. Before I was pregnant, I prayed for a boy. Why a boy? In my mind a boy is less likely to be preyed on by a sexual predator. Less, likely to be hurt by the person that haunted my childhood. But God didn’t bless me with a boy. He blessed me with a wonderful girl. Now I can keep her hidden away in my house, but what am I going to do when she goes to school. How am I going to handle that? It scares me and I’m afraid I’ll damage her by being way to over protective. It’s already bad enough that I wonder if every man I meet is a sexual predator. It scares me when I read stats that say 1 out of every three girls is sexually assaulted by the time the are 18 are something like that. I know it’s true from talking to people. That means one out of every three girls you know was sexually assaulted.
I already have this purity issue. See, I write and most of my novels features girls with purity issues. It’s my way of regaining or fighting for the purity that was stolen from me. Sometimes I have panic attacks if I see a young girl on T>V> or in a movie some how violated. Recently, with Lillian in the Ten Commandments. If something were to happen to my Little Girl, I don’t know how I would handle it.
Basically, I need to go back into therapy. But that is hard and it makes me face a world I would rather forget.