mad at God

I'm struggling here. I'm having a really hard time trying not to get mad at God. But its hard. Ever since I had Michelle we have been struggling financially. We cannot afford to pay the bills, nor eat. I know I'm suppose to trust him. I know he has my best interest in heart, but I'm getting impatient I want the light at the end of the tunnel. I work, but not full time and I get afford the minimum living standard. I did what I was suppose to do. I got educated. I got married. I had a baby. Hey I didn't even have sex until my wedding night. But you know what I can't afford my baby because of all my medical bills. I get so tired of people saying health care shouldn't be free. Well, you know what, the police are free. The public schools are free and a host of other things. I get't so mad when I hear the politicians talk about health insurance. Get rid of health insurance, that's the beast. I guarantee you that is what is driving health costs so high. Oh, by the way, I had health insurance. But pre-clamspia kind of broke me. I get so tired of hearing people, say if you can't afford a child then you shouldn't have one. That only married, upper middle class people deserve children and all us poor people should be the supplier. Well know what I could afford her when I got pregnant with her but things change in a second. So what should I do. HUH, give her away.
You know what people with good health insurance, you just don't understand. I'm at the point where I feel that if you don't want to pay for free health care then I don't want to pay so that the cops can keep a robber away from your nice four story home. Want to talk about socialism there is more socialism in this country then people realize.
I've joined some online groups to talk to moms in unplanned pregnancies to help them anyway I can. I feel God is leading me towards this and the things that people say to them is sickening. So many people joined these groups looking to fulfill their own needs and see nothing wrong with taking advantage of a woman in a financial straight. So how about this. How about helping others instead of taking. I mean really what's more selfish.
ANyway I guess that is my rant for today. It's made me feel so much better. I have another agent looking at my novel. I pray everyday that the agents signs it. That could be my ticket out of this and I can tell you what, if it makes money thatI can live off of it. I have dreams, Dreams I wonder if they are God's dreams. Dreams to help others in need.