I'm confused

Today's thoughts on my motherhood. I've been reading a lot about what people go through and will pay to become parents and a thought keeps creeping into my head. The thought has kind of got me wondering what it means about me. "Children aren't worth what you are putting yourself through, they are just going grow up and be gone by 18" Then I go what. Why am I thinking this? What does this say about my love towards my daughter." Lately I'm becoming apathetic towards being a mother. I just don't feel all that warm and fuzzy over it. My daughter smiles at me and cries for me to hold her and I don't care. I just go oh well and feign that I'm happy for her sake. I used to love taking a bath with her, now I don't know why I keep taking baths with her. I don't care to hold her. I don't know what all this means. I used want to do nothing but cuddle with her. AM I just getting used to motherhood or is there something else going on. I'm sure I love her. I'm sure If i lost her I would be devastated. I'm tired, I'm getting tired of being at home and having no work to keep me going. I used to just want to stay at home with her. Now I want something to do. If my dream job would fall into my lap I would be happy. I'm getting impatient with God and scared on how I'm going to provide for this little being I brought into the world.
I often wonder if I'll change my mind when I decide I want to have another baby. I want to have another pregnancy so I can have a vaginal birth, but I don't think i want another baby. I'm starting to think I'm not meant to have another baby. It's probably not wise anyway. I really should ask my doctor. I wonder if I get hit with the baby bug again, would I think doing all this medical stuff is worth it. I'm probably taking for granted what came too natural for me. I got pregnant the first time I tried. Thus that is how little girl came into the world.