frozen babies and other random thoughts

So I have moved on from adoption and now I'm researching reproductive technology and surrogacy. Why, I don't know. I just research stuff. But anyway it's got me thinking. Is it ethical to freeze these embryos. See, I believe that life begins as soon as egg meets sperm. When people freeze embryos aren't they freezing little people. That just seems wrong to me. What also seems wrong is that the embryos not used are trashed. I guess we really won't know until we look the maker in the eye, but I can just imagine what he is going to say about this. I guess some ways it's good there is embryo adoption so some of these little people can have a chance, but then again, we shouldn't be creating a product for a demand. What I mean is we shouldn't' make sure that there are embryos for people to adopt. I guess in this country if we can sell it, we will.

Something else that I have been thinking about is that fifty percent of all pregnancies end before the woman knows she is pregnant. I wonder if that means someday in Heaven I'll get to meet all these children that I never knew about. I kind of like the idea even though it's a sad thought.

Next random thought. I live in North Carolina. Yay. Today the law makers are voting on whether or not adoptee's birth certificates should be available to adoptees. I have been praying that God will softened the lawmakers hearts and let them vote yes. But I doubt it. This is North Carolina. Our state plant produces cancer. Not knocking people who make are sell tobacco just stating the facts. North Carolina can get very stuck in tradition. So in my opinion it will take a divine interference for the records to be opened. You know this is really a freedom of the press issue. Ya'll are probably raising your eyebrows. i used to be a reporter. I wasn't good at it, but I was one. Birth certificates are public record. Plain and simple. I can get a copy of anybodies birth certificate. What else is public record. Marriage certificates, death certificates and police reports. Despite popular belief a rape victim's name is public record. If I wanted to I could push the issue and find out the name of someone who has been raped. Luckily, the media as the good sense to not publish a victim's name. Why is all this public record, so that us the people can keep and eye on the government. Therefore, don't you think all adoption records should be public that way we can keep an eye on the people who are making decisions for children. Now, I understand there probably should be some info that should be kept secret. Such as medical info about the child and parent. That information should only be given to the interested party. And I can see how a woman placing a child, wouldn't want her name published and hopefully the media would understand that, but open records is a way to ensure over site of the government and other agencies. Anyway I would be interested to hear what others think.

Got an email from my mother. She will usually just email once every other month. She'll only write about two sentence.s It usually takes me awhile to respond to her. Every time I see an email from her, I get all tense and there is this awful feeling in my stomach. I just wish that she would disappear. I love her. I really do, but she lives in the land of make believe. I guess it's better that way. She doesn't have to face all the pain. I lived in make believe land until I was 19 until a priest basically destroyed my illusion.

Peanut is sleeping right now. Last night, I was lying in bed and for a moment it hit me that in the other room there was this little being that came from my body. And all I could think of was her precious face. However, that was a temporary realization. i wonder when it's really going to hit me that I'm a mother.

I'm glad that I have this desire to research stuff. I've learned so much. I would have never learned what I did about adoption if I hadn't.